Tweets That Highlight How Absurd Life Is
Life is a funny thing, you think you’ll be in one place and then you end up in another. There’s not a whole lot of predictability. Sometimes things happen that make us sit back in our chairs and wonder how we ended up in these situations. The one thing we can say for certain is life always has us on our toes. When people say life is crazy they’re not only talking about the parties, but also the little things like how we all share the same universal experiences, yet we’ve never talked about them out loud.
These people bravely took to Twitter to reminisce on all the absurd things about this crazy thing we call life.
Life Way Back When…
Before 2020 none of us had any experience living through a pandemic. We had to pivot to a new normal. At first, it was hard, and then we all fell into our own groove. Everyone shared different quarantine trends they were participating in on social media, like bread making or whipped coffee.
We spent all day in our pajamas while working from home because we didn’t have to go to work. We got to spend more time tending to our flower and vegetable gardens. We even got to dance like nobody was watching because technically nobody was due to social distancing regulations. We’d be lying if we said we didn’t miss this aspect a little bit.
I’ll Take My Prize Now
It’s hard to find a therapist you can feel completely comfortable opening up to. Even once you find one you like it can take time to open up. You can’t expect to go in and be cured immediately, sometimes things get worse before they get better. We’ve all been in this position before. Sometimes you might say something that makes you sound depressed.
We’ve never actually broken up with one of our therapists before. So we’re not sure if this is an accomplishment or something to be worried about. We have to give kudos to this person either way. We’ll try this out with our therapists and see what happens.
Get a Good Look at the Future
When we were kids we couldn’t wait to get older. We wanted to be able to do whatever we wanted, and spend however much we desired. It was hard to do this without our parents breathing down our backs. Now that we’re older, most of us wish we could go back and tell our younger selves how stupid all this was.
Now it seems everyone has some type of chronic back pain. Not to mention we’re violently single and have been recovering from our last breakup for the last few years. There are little joys in our life, like our daily Starbucks, but other than that, we’re lacking hope.
Do You Enjoy Pain, Sir?
We love traveling to new countries but hate having to get there. Don’t get us wrong we’re eternally thankful for airplanes, just not the experiences that come with them. No seat 36,000 feet in the air is comfortable, but some are better than others, and the middle seat is universally known as the worst.
Of course, most people would choose the middle seat if it meant they were next to their partner who they could lean on. We have no idea why this man wanted the middle seat, or why he wanted to be sandwiched between a couple who likely talked the whole time. Some things in life will remain a mystery.
Who Let the Inside Voice Out?
We all have our breaking points, and if someone pushes the right buttons you can bet we’ll snap. No matter how much effort goes into keeping these “blowouts” under control we sometimes say things we later regret. This person knows how annoying it is to fix other people’s mistakes. What’s even more frustrating is being belittled while doing so.
Admittedly, we think this person’s response is painfully funny, but it’s not the right thing to say to your boss. This person should act like the rest of us and vent to their friends after work while downing nachos and beer at the local bar. There’s no need to take it all out on management.
Fancy Seeing You Here
Some parents tell their kids they can grow up to be whatever they want, and others want their kids to follow in their footsteps. Nobody can keep you from pursuing your passion, and we commend this person for doing what they love. During quarantine, a lot of us had to trade in our office space for our dining room tables.
Suddenly our kitchen or living room became workspaces. It must have been weird for this person and their father to work in the same space doing very different projects. Nothing was more frustrating than all trying to work at the same time. At least they could take lunch breaks together!
If Only I Was Invisible
We love our friends and family but we don’t feel like being social all the time. Sometimes we want to sit in bed, eat chips and watch Netflix in peace with our equally antisocial cat. Sometimes this is why we’ll open a text and then tell ourselves we’ll respond later. Inevitably we end up forgetting about the message and might leave it for days.
This can unintentionally make the people closest to us feel like we don’t care about them. It’s even worse when we end up sending them a funny TikTok without responding to what they originally sent. It all started with us trying to be cute and funny, but now they may think we’re ignoring them.
Buy Two Degrees Get the Third Free
When did you decide what you wanted to do with your life? Many of us decided on a profession at the ripe old age of 18 without much thought. Some people picked a cool major like Egyptology but didn’t spend time looking into potential jobs. It’s hard when you’re trying to consider what you should study and do for work at the same time.
We wish there was a different solution to this problem than additional schooling, but sometimes this is the way the cookie crumbles. We’re happy he’s doing what he loves but for all the money he spent he could’ve gone back to get a different degree. Maybe one with more job availability. In any case, if we were students we’d probably take his class.
Virtual Detention Will Now Begin
When Corona started all our regular routines and habits went out the window. Schools and workplaces had to pivot in a new direction. This meant all classes were held over zoom, even physical education. Understandably, some students had a hard time with this adjustment and would act out. This made the whole situation extra difficult.
Teachers had to do something to regain control of the class but Zoom detention doesn’t seem like the best solution. They could have talked to their parents about alternatives but this was a whole new level of absurdity. This probably made them all act worse, not better.
Make Yourself Comfortable… Or Not
How do you set yourself up for a great night of sleep? Some people need to do their skincare or meditation before they can jump into bed. The point is we all have different nighttime routines, but once we’re in bed, we’re all the same. We all need to be under the covers. Even if it’s the hottest day of the year you bet we’re still under the covers.
Yes, we may sweat a ton but taking the blanket off isn’t an option. If it’s really bad we’ll stick one foot out. But then we might get worried about something coming to grab us in the middle of the night.
Can We Get a Software Update?
When you apply for a job what’s one of the things they want you to be proficient in no matter the position? If you guessed Microsoft Word you’d be correct. This program tests everyone’s limits daily. The minute you think you’ve mastered it, something new comes along and confuses you even more.
We start our days off calm, cool and collected, then the second we need to use Microsoft word all this goes out the window. We’re all in too deep. No matter how frustrated we get or how long a project takes to complete, no one will ever use a new program. Hopefully, future generations make an effort to change this, they’re our only hope at this point.
We Can No Longer be Friends
Most of us aren’t around many other people while getting ready for the day, so we assume they do the same things as us. For example, we’d like to think everyone puts on both their socks and then slides on their shoes. It’s the most rational way to go about getting dressed if you ask us (or any normal person).
We’d be lying if we said we wouldn’t look at people a little differently depending on how they get dressed. We might go as far as stating this on our dating profile. This way people know not to swipe if this is the way they put on shoes.
Did I Offend You Somehow?
We love going to the library to get work done or to see what’s new in the literature world. It’s typically where people go when they need silence and don’t want to interact with others. We’d let anyone borrow our charger as long as they promised to give it back, and didn’t try to make small talk after the interaction.
We can’t imagine how annoyed this person was when the lady hovered over them. It’s weird enough to ask someone to follow you on social media if you don’t know them, but it’s worse to watch them do it. We don’t know why they then denied the request, but we hope neither of them sees each other again.
Is This Not a Universal Feeling?
It’s important, to be honest with your doctor about everything from your achy left knee to your mental health. We’re glad the stigma around mental health is diminishing and people are getting more comfortable bringing it up. We bet a lot of people would’ve had the same response to this question.
After the last few years, it’s understandable people are having feelings of anxiety or depression. A doctor’s job is to make you feel comfortable enough to open up about your problems. This definitely wasn’t the ideal response. Maybe this person can be referred to someone who can better help her with her needs.
Welcome to Your Future
Are you one of those people who sits around thinking about every detail of their future, or do you take things day by day? Once you get in your head about what the rest of your life looks like it can feel a bit depressing. It’s easy to start spiraling We’d like to think we’re all special, yet we all simply lead different versions of the same life.
When we see tweets like this it makes us want to quit our jobs, travel the world, and make a living by posting our adventures on social media. Of course, it’s easier said than done, but maybe if we say it enough times we’ll manifest this life into reality.
How Did it Come Down to This?
There are great things about getting older, like gaining independence. And there are downsides, like how easily you can get hurt. When we were kids we thought the adults around us were exaggerating about how easy it was to pull a muscle. Now that we’re the ones suffering, it’s not so funny.
We thought we’d have a few more years until we reached this fate, but once we hit our mid 20’s we hit a harsh decline. We thought our alcohol tolerance diminishing would be the only thing we’d have to worry about. Maybe if we stretch and exercise more we won’t get injured as often, or as badly.
Why Would I Know That?
There aren’t a lot of people in this world who enjoy going to the dentist. One of the worst parts is having to inform the dentist of our flawed flossing routine, or lack thereof. Then the dentist goes on to ask a million questions about our life while there are 5 different tools in our mouths.
Though the appointment is only 30 minutes, it can feel like hours. We’re so relieved by the time we’re done until the receptionist reminds us we need to schedule our next appointment. Now we’re already dreading our next visit. How could we know what we’re doing months from now? Most of us don’t even know what we’re doing tomorrow!
Where Did You Get the Audacity From?
Joining the corporate world is a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes the amount of petty drama can make you feel like you’ve been transported back to high school. Some nice perks come with it. Once you leave the office you usually don’t need to worry about checking emails until the next business day.
This person was emailed, right before the weekend started, who knows if she even saw it right away? What was she supposed to do, drop everything and answer? It looks like they need to learn the importance of emailing within business hours. It would be amazing if they responded with a screenshot of this tweet.
We Hear You Loud and Clear
It’s hard when reality hits you in the face and you realize life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. The hardest realization is for young girls who have just gotten their period. There’s no one correct way to react. Some don’t care much and others will understandably go into a fit of rage.
Honestly, this 14-year-old reacted better than most. We commend her for speaking her mind. We’re glad her parent feels the same way. Maybe now they’ll buy her chocolates and candy every time her time of the month rolls around, it’s the least they could do. What would you do to cope?
Why Must You Be This Way?
Printing can be a dreadful process. Not because it’s a difficult process but rather because our printers never work and cause us mass amounts of frustration. Either the paper will jam, it’ll say the ink cartridge is empty when it’s actually full, or the machine could break down. We’d understand if it had maintenance issues from time to time, but every day is annoying.
The worst is when it’s been working fine for a while, and then the day of an important meeting comes around and nothing works. If this person needs funding for their magical printer we are more than happy to contribute.
When Art Imitates Life
We watch movies to escape the world around us. Most people are huge Marvel fans who watch these films to enter an alternate reality. We won’t spoil too much but after watching Endgame things felt a bit different. We had a hard time grasping how they could move on with their lives afterward. Then Corona struck us all down, changed our futures, and suddenly we no longer wonder about these things.
We never thought we’d find ourselves relating to any Marvel movie. If there’s any lesson we’ve learned these last few years it’s that anything can happen. It would’ve been a lot more fun if we all entered the Wizarding World of Harry Potter instead, but maybe that’ll happen next year.
Welcome to Procrastination Nation
If you’re anything like us you like to procrastinate a lot. Some people tell themselves they’ll start their work after they finish breakfast, or maybe after they’ve watched their show. Others have a different way to manage the madness, they wait for a round number on the clock to start their work.
Let’s say someone wanted to start at 8:00 but looked at the clock and it was 8:05 they’d wait until 9:00 to begin. This is one simple way to keep procrastinating longer. This may not be the tweet any of us wanted to see, but it’s what we all needed.
Please Define “Nothing” for Me
Relationships can be complicated, and this one was so tricky this girl didn’t even know she was in one. 4 years is a long time to be with someone so you’d assume you’re both fully committed to one another. You’d think this even more if you’d been paying their rent for over half the time you were together.
It’s awful that this man had to come across his (alleged) girlfriend cheating on him, but for her to show no remorse is even worse. How can she say there’s nothing between them? Without him, she wouldn’t even have a house to kiss other men in. We hope the now ex-boyfriend and the other man ran away far far away from her.
The Man Who Solved Mental Illness
Unfortunately, a lot of us suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s a constant struggle because often what helps one mental illness makes the other worse. When we’re depressed we want to go out and get fresh air. Some may feel better if they go to the movie theater.
Then we remember we’ll have to talk to people and get anxious. So, we decide to stay at home and maybe watch a movie from our couch, but then we feel isolated. Thanks to this person we now know about the standing-in-the-doorway method. We’ll try it out and let you know how it goes, but we’re not feeling hopeful.
When Dating Gets Difficult
Dating in this day and age is equally exciting as it is and terrifying. Long gone are the days of having a meet-cute with the handsome stranger who grabbed the same fruit as you in the grocery store. Now we scroll through dating apps while sitting on our couches and eating takeout. If you ask us, this is the most efficient way to vet potential prospects.
Of course, you can never be too sure the person you’re meeting is who they say they are. This is why it’s encouraged to let a friend know where you are and who you’re with so they can be on standby. After all, you can never be too careful!
Way to Blow My Mind
Some people are so iconic we can’t imagine them living in the same period of time as us. Picasso, for example, is a legendary artist and everyone knows his work. You don’t have to love art to recognize his name. We thought his work was so far removed from us he had to have lived during the renaissance.
Imagine the shock on all of our faces when we saw he died in the 1900s. There’s a possibility our parents could’ve walked past him on the street. It’s difficult to wrap our heads around this concept. Honestly, we’re still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out and tell us we’re all being punk’d.
In the Name of Science
Desperate times call for desperate measures. You’ve got to be pretty hopeless to try and pass a moldy loaf of bread off as a science project. This requires a vivid imagination. Not all children this age can think this quickly on their feet. We would’ve given him first place for playing the system so well
They probably never would’ve guessed they’d place in the science fair, let alive the city one! This is a great lesson on the power of working smarter not harder. We’ll think about this moment the next time we forget about an important deadline. Who would’ve thought a sixth grader’s science project would be so inspiring?
Aging is a Weird Thing
When we were kids we couldn’t wait to get our hands on coffee. We saw our parents and adults in movies drinking it so we thought it would make us as cool as them. Then we became teenagers and had our eyes set on what seemed to be the real prize, overpriced cocktails.
Once we turned 21 we realized vodka cranberries weren’t’ all the rage, and neither were the headaches we got from drinking them. We now know the tried and true adult drink is none other than a cold glass of water. We don’t care what anyone says, not all water tastes the same, and our life mission is to find the crispest bottle out there.
What Doesn’t Feel Legal But Is
In the movies, jury duty seems kind of cool. This is only true if the case being worked on is interesting. In reality, it’s more of a nuisance than anything else. Not only do we have to call out of work where we make good money, but we have the lives of complete strangers in our hands.
Not to mention on the off chance you become a juror for a murder trial you have to learn how to cope with all the information. Most of us aren’t even professionals when it comes to the law, so the whole thing feels very daunting. We spend most of the drive over to the court praying they’ll excuse us.
Tastes Like Broken Dreams
We used to love strolling down the junk food aisle to pick up some goodies for our movie night. Nowadays it feels like a chore to decide on something so we end up empty-handed. As a company becomes more established, things about it will change. Sometimes new management will come in and mix things up until you can’t even recognize it anymore.
When we used to eat these cakes and cookies we thought they were amazing. Now they taste like the cardboard boxes delivery drivers drop on our doorsteps. It’s our greatest wish for these desserts to be returned to their former glory.
Religion Is a Funny Thing
Religion has its place in the world, and even though it may be the cause of many wars and divisions, it also has a lot of important teachings. In all religions, whether Islam, Buddhism, or Christianity, the main message is to love thy neighbor, be thankful, and live peacefully with all living beings. Unfortunately, sometimes the religious books are taken a bit too literally, or just plain out of context.
Extremists of all sects use their holy texts as a way to control and suppress others or find a just reason for doing wrong. Instead of taking the beautiful lessons behind ancient stories, the ultra-religious take religion as an ideology and forget how important day-to-day good deeds can be.
Conversations Change When You Get Older
Life doesn’t always allow us to settle down in our twenties, and we find ourselves in our thirties still trying to find “the one”. But the thirties dating world is a lot different than being young and in love. It can be more mature, but also a bit less adventurous.
The truth is, dating in our thirties is actually just reminiscing about all the fun things both people did in their twenties. Plus telling each other about the cooler versions of themselves. Maybe the key to dating at a later age is to remember our wilder 20-year-old self and bring it to the new relationship.
Remember Having To Ask To Go Pee?
The transition to adulthood can hit young people like a brick wall, especially because our institutions don’t always do enough to prepare us for what’s to come. We always hear gripes about needing tax classes in school, or more time before we’re required to declare a major, but just look at how simply this Twitter user put it. How can anyone be expected to make life-changing decisions, when just a month ago they couldn’t use the bathroom unsupervised?
Thankfully, once most of us got to college, we didn’t have to ask to use the bathroom anymore. Unfortunately, we’re paying a whole lot more money than we were before in order to enjoy that privilege.
Pizza is love. Pizza is life. It’s never done anything to hurt us (aside from indigestion). From a young age, we grew up knowing that whenever pizza was available we should take a slice. It’s almost as important as air, water, and the occasional video game break. Kids are aware of this and will take a slice without a second thought. Adults are the exact opposite.
Somewhere during our time as parents, we decide to forgo the free pizza at parties. No matter how badly we want it we just have to say no. It has nothing to do with our health. We just know kids don’t wash their hands and want to touch EVERYTHING on a table. Okay, so maybe it is for our health.
The Logic Of Human Resources
Corporate culture is so predictable. Every company tries to sucker people nowadays with the promise of a relaxed work environment and snacks at the office, but no one wants to talk about higher salaries, more vacations, and better bonus structures for work well done. It’s a shared experience a lot of us have been through with interviews recently, but we think this woman put it best with this Twitter truth bomb below.
The “lmao” is so corporate too, don’t you think? All the time it seems like big companies are laughing at their employee’s demands. If that happens at your workplace, maybe take revenge and start spending a little more time on Twitter.
This Is Normal For A Parent
Milk & cereal is a classic breakfast. That doesn’t mean everyone shares the love for this soupy morning meal. Some kids have the common sense to know that milk and cereal are best on their own and should never be combined. That doesn’t mean they can explain their reasoning to their parents. What makes sense in their heads comes out as confusing nonsense from their mouths.
Logically, it makes sense to just pour the milk out of the bowl. Logistically, the execution could be done a bit better. They don’t know any better. This is where parents need to tap into their secret psychic powers and get to mind reading.
Highly Suspicious Nuggets
There have been some crazy conspiracy theories over the years, and while we don’t want to go into specifics, let’s just say a few of the most recent trends have been even kookier than usual. Thankfully, when that kind of craziness gets us down, we can turn to Twitter to see truth bombs like this. Just look below and see how this person took down 5G tower truthers with a single swipe.
Factory farming is like a whole conspiracy on its own. How could Burger King buy enough meat to make all those chicken nuggets for less than a dollar? There are a few documentaries you could watch on the subject, but we’re warning you, they’re not for the squeamish.
The Target Question
Even for shoppers with the highest level of self-control, something about Target just makes us want to spend! It has absolutely everything. And at just the right level of quality that it doesn’t feel like wasting money on junk or breaking the bank on clothes from the mall. Husbands love to laugh at the fact it’s impossible to just pick up “just a couple of things” in Target.
Their wives are always walking out with a new pair of sandals, a desk chair, and a pint of ice cream, even if they just walked in to fill a prescription! The desire to shop is strong in this department store, and something about the layout and always-stocked inventory make shopping feel more fun than in other places.
Parking Rules Make No Sense
The two places people are paying the most money, even falling into debt, are the hospital and university. It makes no sense to charge paying customers for parking in places they’re already paying thousands of dollars. At universities, everyone is a struggling student, and it’s only fair to cut them a break from the parking fee so they can afford a coffee after studying all night.
Hospitals have even more audacity to charge for parking, as a hospital visit usually comes as a surprise and in a moment of fear. Plus, the only other option to dodge the parking fee is to pay hundreds of dollars and call an ambulance.
That Polar Bear Is So Far From Home
We’ve all grown up going to the zoo for school field trips and family days out. But sometimes we don’t think about how problematic the environment can be for the animals. It’s a realization we don’t come to until we’re older. It actually makes no sense that a polar bear can live in the American Midwest and never see snow.
Zoos are fun, family-oriented, and are the only way we ever get to see exotic animals with our own eyes. But there’s definitely an unethical side to the experience as well. The weather conditions aren’t the only questionable part of the zoo experience. At some facilities, animals are also kept in small enclosures when they’re meant to roam miles and miles of open land.